


The truth runs wild.

by The_Pie_is_a_lie_22



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Basically Dean is just over thinking everything, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 19:52:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7905463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Pie_is_a_lie_22/pseuds/The_Pie_is_a_lie_22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is a brave man. He really is.</p>
<p>So why is he a fucking coward when it comes to his sexuality and Castiel Novak?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The truth runs wild.

**Author's Note:**

> This work ist not beta'd (and please mind that Englisch isn't my first laguage).
> 
> Also: if you feel insulted about anything I've written and how I viewed some things, please let me know.
> 
>  
> 
> The titel was inspired by Troye Sivan's "Heaven" (go listen to it)

Dean Winchester is a brave man. He is. He stood against bullies for his little brother who thought Sammy was to damn nice to everyone, against people judging his drunk father because he wanted to drown in his own head to get his wife back and against the headmaster who could not understand, that the kid he hit only was about to steal the glasses from another child.

So why is he a fucking coward when it comes to his sexuality? Maybe because he always thought of it as easy. He likes girls. Done. Or not?

 

Dean sighs and scrolls down another website about explaining sexualities. Gay, Bisexual, Asexual, Straight, Demisexual and more. Why has there to be so much? He sighs again, shuts down his laptop and buries his head in his hands.

This whole thing wouldn't have happen if it wasn't for Castiel. Castiel fucking Novak his very proud gay coworker. Cas, who is the reason for Dean now sitting in his bedroom and searching for answers that his computer can't give him.

He and his blue eyes and his long hands and his black hair and his long legs- which Dean is definitely not thinking about all the time.

 

Dean hadn't been in a long relationship yet. He loves sex and that's it. The problem with Cas is that he is a _guy_ AND Dean wants more that just sex with him. He wants everything. Cuddles, hands holding and all the crappy flick-chick-moments things. That is a problem for him.

Because 1. it questions his -he believed- very straight existence in the world so far, 2. it threatened the long-term friendship he and Cas had build over the last few years and 3. it questioned his manliness because he actually _wanted_ cuddling.

_If you depend your 'manliness' -which by the way doesn't exist, it's only a social construct- on this, then I have some bad news for you Dean._

Dean chuckles at the words Cas would definitely say at his thoughts.

 

How did this come up in the first place? Dean wasn't like this when they met, right? He even supported Cas in his proudness and defended him against some homophobic shitbags.

So why is he a fucking coward now?

 

Dean sighs again for the thousand time this evening and glances on his watch. He finally stands up to gather his things he would need for today. When he is done he has twenty minutes left to be not _too_ early to collect Cas for their weekly work drinking with all workers in the Roadhouse.

He shrugs and decides it's better than to keep over thinking his feelings and exits his little apartment.

His normally ten minute walk to Castiel's apartment is cut short to a five minute walk because in order to shut his head down he tried to push his speed. It did work for a little time until Cas answers his door with only a shirt and boxers on and his hair dripping wet. Goddamn Novak.

 

“Hello Dean.” He smiles and the corner of his eyes crinkle up. “You are early. Please come in, I have to -” he glances down and chuckles. “Well..”

“Yeah, of course.” he settles down on the couch and his gaze follows Cas as he enters another room to get his pans.

 

He leans forward to steady his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together. Maybe Cas is just an exception. Maybe he shouldn't question everything, because Cas is just special, Wouldn't that be easier? Dean sighs again. But in the end it shouldn't matter. He finds Woman and Man both aesthetically pleasing. If this can be compared to his sexual attraction he has yet to find out.

 

“Dean, are you alright?” Dean's head snaps up. He hadn't notice that Cas had come back in the room. The standard answer is already on his tongue ' _Yes'_. But he stops himself. He doesn't want to discuss this now but he doesn't want to lie to Cas either.

He sighs again. “I'm just thinking.” he mumbles and fixes his eyes on his hands again. Cas circles the couch and settles beside him. “About what?”

A buzz settles in Dean's stomach. “Just...me..-” he stops and considers how he wants to phrase his words. Cas exhales and Dean realizes how his sentence sounds so far. “No-...shut up, I wasn't finished yet.” Cas grins.

“I meant, me in the world and how-...I feel..I guess.” he ends lamely. He looks at Cas with a pained expression but Cas just looks thoughtful. Dean watches Cas and drowns in his blue eyes. He could look away, but where would be the fun in that? “I mean...how did you...how did you know you were gay?” he almost whispers.

Cas looks very much surprised and for a brief moment Dean is proud because he rarely surprises him. He always seems to know what is going on in Dean's head and what prank he wants to do next.

 

Cas considers him a moment with a thoughtful expression. And the buzz in Dean's stomach grows until it's drumming in his body. “I guess...I just knew. I always preferred boys and knew when I was nine.” Dean nods and lowers his gaze again as Cas puts a hand on Dean's shoulder.

“Dean, I can guess what is going on in your head. You really don't have to define yourself. For me it was very much obvious, but if you...if you don't know or never will know that is OK. You don't have to label yourself. Just..be who you are.” He squeezes his shoulder. And Dean feels himself relaxing. Cas is excepting him. Of course he is. Why would he ever doubt him? And of course he would give Dean the best advice he could hope for.

 

“But where is this coming from? I mean...you never really said anything until right now.” Dean tenses again.

“Yeah...well-” he coughs and glances at Cas's confused expression. “I never had...a reason.” He takes a deep breath. Now or never, right? He looks Cas in the eyes. “Now I have you.” Dean says slowly to get the words right.

 

“You-” Cas is looking more surprised than before. Two in one day, that must be a record. “But..-” he frowns. “We know each other for a few years now...why didn't you say something earlier?” Dean lets his gaze fall back to his hands. His nervousness is getting to a dangerous level and the buzz didn't settle down either. “It's...It wasn't...It wasn't everything like this from the beginning. It just developed, I guess...And I realized it only a few weeks ago.” He glances to Cas again.

“Oh” Cas breathes. And now he glances in his lap and lets his hand slide from Dean's shoulder.

 

A stone settles in Dean's stomach and the buzz disappears so abruptly that it leaves Dean breathless. Cas doesn't want him back. He made everything difficult and they couldn't be friends anymore.

But then Cas takes his hand and Dean draws a deep breath. He stares at Cas who is smiling at him.

“Dean I...I'm not sure what you want. I mean..” He sighs, “I had probably a crush on you since we met, but I didn't want to risk our friendship, when you clearly didn't feel the same way. Or so I thought.” he grins and Dean couldn't stop himself from grinning back.

There is a feeling growing in his chest. A sun that started at the words _crush_. Cas wants him back. So he isn't alone in this.

But what does he want? It never occurred to him, that he had to think about that. It was always 'what is best for Sam' or for his father. Or Cas.

 

“I want this.” Cas raises an eyebrow, but Dean lifts their jointed hands and kisses Cas's. As he lowers their hands again his eyes drift to Cas's lips. “I want-” but Cas shuts him up with his mouth on Dean's. He sighs and closes his eyes as Cas straddles his lap and leans more into the kiss.

They both breath heavily when the break apart. “Is that okay?” Dean asks. Cas laughs “Yes, Dean. That is very much okay.” He considers Dean for a moment. “How about us staying here for tonight. I can write Charlie so she knows we are not coming. We can drink a beer and watch some Game of Thrones?” Dean grins and nods. He introduced Cas to the show a couple weeks ago and now there is a ritual where they would watch it together.

Cas smiles. “Good.” He pecks Dean on the lips. “And Dean, how about you see this as a test phase?You don't have to do what you don't want to do. You can talk about everything with me, OK?” Dean smiles back and nods.

“But that doesn't mean we are not exclusive. I want all this..” he drags his hands from Deans shoulders down to his stomach “...to myself.” he grins as Dean's breath hitches and he nods.

 

Cas stands up. “I will get the beer and write Charlie.” But before he stands properly he stops and locks eyes with Dean. “And Dean? Don't over think it.”

Cas knew him too well. Dean grins and pulls Cas down for another kiss.

 

Maybe Cas is an exception, maybe not. In the end it didn't matter, because it is Cas.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> Kudos and Comments are appreciated, please let me know how you liked it and if you have any criticism.
> 
> (Can you tell that Dean's feelings are inspired by my own confusion lol)


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